In The Beginning - Here Endth The Tale!

This week has been an especially joyful yet stressful week as the Christmas season seems to always be! But one of my ONLINE FRIENDS (thank God for YOU!) sent me a message that made me stop for a while and chuckle! There is no tips on losing weight here...just a little story to make this, the hardest part of the year to keep that diet going, a little brighter and take your mind off all the holiday rush! Enjoy!


....In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of every kind so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives! He created cows who gave man and woman milk, full of calcium for strong bones and teeth!

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And satan said,
"You want hot fudge with that?" Then Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "I'll have one too with chocolate chips and sprinkles!" And LO! They gained 10 pounds!

So then God created the healthy yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. But satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.; and Woman went from size 8 to size 14 in just one month!

God looked upon the woman and and saw that this was NOT good and said, "Woman, try my fresh green salad." But satan grinned and presented Woman with Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side; which made it look so inviting to man, that he decided to have a salad too! Thus, Man and Woman unfastened their belts to make room for more!

God said, "Man, I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil to saute' them in." So, satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God gave Man and Woman the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition, but satan peeled off the skin and sliced them into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. So that Man could not resist the temptation and he put on more pounds!

Shaking His head at the plight of man, God brought forth running shoes so that his wayward children might lose those extra pounds. He called out men and women full of health and spirit like Richard Simmons, Tony Little and Denise Austin to lead them out of temptation! These health prophets brought to men and women everywhere Video tapes and DVD's, but satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels and Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits to stay warm and cozy while sitting on the living room couch in front of the TV watching the Late Night Show, with Jay Leno or David Letterman. This pleased satan so he enticed them to stay up even later without sleep and introduced them to Conan!

Then God gave lean beef and the out door gas grill so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his increasing appetite and desire for larger portions. Satan just laughed and said, "Man you are too busy to cook and spend time with your family! Woman you need never slave and worry over creating healthy meals in the kitchen ever again!" and he created McDonalds with the "Big MAC" and the 99 cent double cheeseburger. Satan gave McDonalds to man and slyly asked, "You want fries with that?" Clapping his hands with glee, Man replied, "YES! And Super Size them, please!" At this satans lips curled in a devilish grin and proclaimed, "It is GOOD!" and man and woman went into cardiac arrest!

God sighed.......and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

Then as the last blow, satan created the MEDICARE SYSTEM!

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

HERE END'TH THE TALE! HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A BLESSED CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY SO FAR!

"The Holly-Jolly Whiteheads"